who are you?

i've never been one to hold grudges. at least, i've never been good at them.

the most i've learned about grudges is from interactions with my mother. we could have a knock-down-drag-out, and within minutes, we're apologizing to each other. i just can't handle things being uncool. it's immature and maturity. it's positive and negative.

there's a fine line between standing up for yourself and holding a grudge. at some point during the hold, you realize the negativity is seeping into everything. is it a sign of weakness to let go? is forgiveness for pussies?

these are questions i seek the answer for. i want to stand up for myself, i want others to hold their ground for what they believe.

my mom says the best revenge is living well. again--truth. and yet, severely lacking. why do we seek revenge in the first place?

why is it so hard to forgive?

much harder than forgiving others, is forgiving ourselves. i've never battled with anyone so begrudgingly as i have had to with myself. everyone fucks up. mistakes surround us and breathe in our world. who's to hold a grudge? he who hasn't failed?

with some people, i can try and try and it will never be good enough. some people want words, others want results. but all i can do is live the way i'm supposed to. to do the next right thing.

when i start living for others is when i falter. if i could commit to myself as some commit to their grudges, i doubt there would be anything to hold onto.

i don't know what people want, from me or for themselves. i do know that living in the past or the future is missing the point. only bring the past if you are going to build from it.

again, it's about balance. we can't forget what we've done, or where we're going. more importantly, we absolutely cannot forget where we are, right now. right here.

i wish a lot of things in the past didn't happen. but, what would i be without them? i don't want to know. for all the times i've fallen, i've gotten up each time. is it more important to remember the fall? i think not. i try to attach myself to the resiliency, and build from that. otherwise, i'm broken, and i can't live like that.

i'm not one to tell anyone how to forgive or what to forget. who are you?